Bella McManus
Rose-tinted rants
As the second oldest of five children, I often notice that my parents seem to let things slide with my younger siblings that they never would have with me. I always assumed it was because when their older children got to a point of needing less correction, they simply forgot that the younger children were still in a place of adolescence and rebellion, and were still very much in need of the guidance the older children received. As I’ve grown further away from my family, however, simply due to getting older and living more of my own life, I’ve been able to view my parents with a different lens. It seems to me now that because my parents had my sister and I when they were in their early twenties, they weren’t fully mature yet. I mean, my mom was only two years older than I am now when she had my older sister. I can’t even imagine having kids at this point in my life, especially as I often feel like I myself still need to be “parented.” So, as I see it, my parents were still growing up when they had kids.
How can one be expected to raise someone well when they themselves are still figuring life out?
Fast forward twenty years — my youngest sister is twelve and my parents have both passed forty. Ironically, the older they’ve gotten, the younger they’ve acted. When my sister and I became teenagers, it seemed that they did too. They flirted with each other and joked more and were easier to relate to than ever before. They still disciplined us, but they weren’t as uptight. They weren’t as strict. I believe they finally reached a sort of relaxed state in their lives where they felt it was okay to finish living out the young adult versions of themselves that they had to put to rest the moment my mom became pregnant. This relaxed state may have resulted because my older sister and I were old enough to show them that they were doing a good job as parents, and because we were able to help watch our younger siblings some, we relieved some of the pressure on them.
From this second teenager phase, they seemed to go through maturity again, but this time it wasn’t rushed due to the impending arrival of another family member; it was natural. They are the most calm and in-love versions of themselves that they have ever been, and I think it’s simply because they were able to not only complete that cycle of maturity, but also learn to heal and grow and move past whatever generational trauma they experienced. I believe this is why they are softer on our younger siblings; they are not as hard on themselves as they once were, and it extends to every aspect of their lives, including their parenting.
